One of my friends was in a relationship with this guy she had been in love with for the last four years. The relationship went smoothly until one day she decided to give it a break. In the meantime, her partner developed a serious friendship with a girl from school. When she decided to give it a chance again, she was gifted with a third person in their relationship. The best friends forever, the memes you must have come across. She didn’t find it justifiable as she also went through relationship problems, and it wasn’t only him. Had it been Ross, he would have surely justified it the best with them being on a *break*.
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There are many people who often get trapped in relationships with third parties. In a recent survey of single American men and women, 60% of men and 53% of women admitted to “mate poaching,” trying to woo an individual away from a committed relationship to begin a relationship with them instead. Mate poaching is also common in 30 other cultures. A third person may not always be an outsider; it can be someone from the close relations also. Also, not only romantic involvement and liking are included as the traits to identify a third person. It becomes tough to handle the relationship when it’s influenced from outside. But we may fail to realise it in time and stop the influence in the meantime, so it’s very important to first identify who the third person is. How do you find the third person in your relationship?
1. He/she has an impact on decisions
What annoyed my friend the most was that she often found the decisions to be taken for their relationship had the influence of the female bestie.
If it’s your relationship, then the decisions should be taken by the partners involved. Any person outside the relationship cannot totally understand the situation, the conversations, and the problems faced by the couple. It’s the couple who need to find solutions to their problems. A third person may create wider gaps or force two individuals to be together. It doesn’t work like that.
The female bestie gave advices to him and he often considered them. The advices were mostly diametrically opposite to the opinions of my friend. His recognition of what she said annoyed my friend for very obvious reasons.
2. When you think of that person, insecurity surrounds you
We all have insecurities, be it about our physical appearances or personalities. If insecurities come your way every time your partner talks about the person, then my friend, that is the third person you have become Sherlock Holmes for!
Insecurity can be related to whether or not you are attractive enough, maybe the person is more than you. Your partner may be entertained by this, resulting in you eventually losing him/her. Or maybe insecurities related to failure to influence people. You may be living in a constant fear of having no say in your relationship’s decisions because of your lack of that great capacity to make people believe in yourself.
3. You can’t stand him/her
You might have had conversations with your partner about the one who you have complications with. Your partner might also have assured you of not being involved in any such way with the person. But your mind and heart cannot bear the presence of the person, because you might witness a continuation of the things you dislike.
If your partner just assures you with their words but not actions, then they are the third person. Actions speak louder than words! After all, why would you keep cussing over a person with whom you see no strings attached?
4. Frequent squabbles centred on that individual
Who doesn’t have relationship problems? Everybody does. Couples often have arguments over some or all of the other issues. It’s totally normal and common. But if your relationship witnesses increasing arguments against any other person and that person remains constant in every other argument, then that person is toxic for your relationship.
Problems and arguments which have no relation to that person may often include them. You can find yourselves fighting all over again against that person out of nowhere for the same issues. Whether or not the problems are related to the individual, he or she still manages to push into something like capparis decidua.
5. You seek support from your partner in your disagreement with that person
Being in a relationship is often compared to people behaving like babies, like calling each other by baby nicknames. If you constantly need affirmations against the person, like a baby needs frequent feeding and attention, a third person is revolving around your relationship.
You often ask for affirmations from your partner whether or not you are the most important thing to them. And what you want to hear is that you are more important than the person you are insecure about. Even after affirmations, if your heart doesn’t feel satisfied with time, you are fighting against a third party.
Recognising the issue, every now and then, arguments break out between us. Understanding what it is and how to get rid of it are more important. If you begin to lean toward someone else rather than making an effort to confront what occurred and address the root of the issue, it won’t work. Involving a third person in your relationship problems can make things worse. So it’s advisable to solve the issue between the two mates only.