One day, I was very tired and had this plethora of vacation homework to do. I was habituated of doing the HHW when vacations were about to end, and eventually would panic and dreaming about how relaxed I would have been now if I had done it earlier. So I asked my cousin to help me complete my work, he asked me to keep the notebook and I would surely get a notebook with complete work the following morning. Guess what, I found the notebook the same as before that morning. We had an argument and he said that something came up last minute.
Table of Content
This is going to our topic of discussion today. Though the story narrated is very minor, we would be discussing a broader narrative.
We are humans, and there’s no denial to the fact that we cannot live independently. The nations of the world cannot survive without the support of others. Globalization is a result of the need to survive. We often depend on people who we have faith in for various matters, such as emotional or practical matters. There’s no harm if we ask people their perspective and take decisions according to our understanding and analysis, but it turns monstrous when we become way too much dependent on others. Too much dependence starts erasing our identity as an individual and our capabilities to think much. If we go through the facts, dependent personality disorder is common among people with panic disorder. Oh, don’t panic hearing the term dependent personality disorder. Don’t rush to Google to search about it and end up developing a mindset that you have it for sure. We often match our symptoms to those mentioned on the internet and think that we have all the major diseases of the world, even the non-existent ones. Are you also one of them venturing to look for solutions? We are here to help you!
1. Take decisions
A common cause of dependency is the worry that one may act or make the wrong decision. Take baby steps as you gradually step outside of your comfort zone. For example, order dinner on your own rather than asking your partner what they want or get ready for a night out without consulting a friend. Benjamin Graham, the author of The Intelligent Investor, and perhaps the greatest investor of his generation, was a strong proponent of thinking and deciding for yourself.
Enjoy your own company. You can develop and practice any hobby. Take decisions independently and avoid asking people repeatedly about their opinions.
2. Take responsibilities
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that now you have to shoulder the needs of your family and ask your parents to relax now and venture out with half completed qualifications for a job. Take responsibilities of whatever you are capable of doing now.
While avoiding responsibility encourages dependence, accepting responsibility encourages freedom. You are effectively relying on the other person to solve the problem when you redirect it on them. Instead, concentrate on addressing your issues head-on. If you continuously accept responsibility for whatever issues you encounter, you’re less likely to be dependent on other people.
If you are the younger sibling in your family, it’s quite possible that the older one is asked to do all the important works. Ask your parents to trust you and let you also do some so that you learn and can be independent.
3. Anaylse your self-doubt
Discover the cause of your self-doubt and look at it differently. Try recalling a time when someone made you feel inadequate, no matter how difficult that may be. What specifically did that person say to you at that time? Consider the previous remark from a fresh, more optimistic angle. This method, also referred to as “therapeutically re-writing your history,” is an excellent way to view the past in a positive, constructive light.
4. Don’t be hesitant to refuse for genuine reasons
I remember once I took the responsibility of completing my friend’s assignment too along with mine, although I was successful in doing so, unlike my cousin, it surely had given me a lot of burden. Look for modest opportunities to stand up for yourself in your day-to-day interactions. Perhaps you decline an invitation from a friend rather than just going along with it, or you inform your spouse that you have other plans for the evening. Being autonomous and setting clear boundaries for others to follow are key components of being assertive.
Speaking up your stance would help you make an impression on others that you cannot be controlled. So if anyone is thinking of exploiting you would eventually back-off.
5. Live up to your expectations
Dependent people often take up the expectations of other people as their own. But it’s never like that. Your parents might be expected a lot from you, but you do know your skills and your level. So try being satisfied with your performance if you have been able to fulfill your expectations. When you feel satisfied and confident in yourself, yes, I have achieved whatever I was looking for, then that’s one of the best feelings one can ask for.
Remember, excess of anything is bad, so is the over dependency on others. Close bonds can even shield us from suffering by calming our brains. According to Hendricks, it involves being emotionally accessible, emotionally involved, and emotionally responsive. But being emotionally invested more than the needful isn’t something which is good. Try exploring places and people to limit your dependency on others.